TEST PATENTADO DEL MIGUEL DEL TEMPERAMENTO CÓSMICO UNIVERSAL
¿Cuántos animales de cada especie metió Moisés en el arca?
A) Ninguno, porque no fue Moisés sino Noé.
B) Cuarenta y cinco, él hizo pareja con una cabra.
C) No puso animales, llenó el arca de trolas y mandanga.
¿Quién mató a Abel?
A) Caín.
B) Mc Cain.
C) Abel se suicidó cabeceando un hacha.
¿Cuántos meses tienen 28 días?
A) Todos.
B) Ninguno.
C) El Mes Truación.
¿Cuál es el hijo de tu madre que no es tu hermano?
A) Vos.
B) Yo.
C) Tu vieja es re trola.
Si un bebé vive sus primeros 8 meses en Argentina y luego se va a Marruecos, ¿dónde le crecen los dientes?
A) En la boca.
B) En el culo.
C) En la espalda.
¿Te puedes casar con el hermano/a de tu viudo/a?
A) No, porque estás muerto.
B) Mi cuñada está que arde.
C) Yo tengo un perro muerto.
Un señor está viviendo en Esperanza ¿Puede ser enterrado en Sri Lanka?
A) No, porque está vivo.
B) No, porque no se dejó.
C) Sri, como nro.
¿De qué color son las mangas azules del chaleco de Pepe?
A) De ninguno, porque los chalecos no tienen mangas.
B) Depende del color de las mangas del chaleco de Pepe.
C) Pobre Pepe, es bimanco.
¿Qué fue lo último que hizo Napoleón?
A) Morirse.
B) Voltearse a una criada.
C) Tirarse un pedo, y empujarlo con la mano hasta la cara de su sirviente.
¿Qué pasa en la selva de 6 a 7 de la tarde?
A) Una hora.
B) Los monos hacen una orgía.
C) Hacen un concurso de pedos.
¿Qué hay entre López y Planes?
A) La “y”
B) Una relación homosexual.
C) Atmósfera.
¿Cuál es la mitad de uno?
A) El ombligo.
B) La N
C) El enano Morandín.
¿Cuántos animales comen con la cola?
A) Todos, porque ninguno se lo quita para comer.
B) El Negro Portmann.
C) Una vaca mutante con dientes en el culo.
Un pastor tiene 16 ovejas y se le mueren todas menos 9, ¿Cuántas le quedan?
A) Nueve
B) Ocho en el piso y una suspendida de la chota.
C) Con trolas me daba nueve, pero con ovejas no me lo sé.
¿Cómo lograrías que las chicas fueran detrás de ti?
A) Poniéndote adelante.
B) Atándolas al paragolpe trasero del Falcón.
C) Robándole a mujeres policías.
¿Qué hacen los doce apóstoles en el cielo?
A) Una docena.
B) Juegan un picadito: Justos contra Pecadores.
C) Se rascan las bolas con las dos manos.
¿Cómo acaba el Test?
A) Con “t”.
B) Mal.
C) Acá.
RESPUESTAS
Mayoría de respuestas A): Stephen Hawking
Mayoría de respuestas B): Retrasado Leve.
Mayoría de respuestas C): Negro Portmann.
Suscribirse a:
Comentarios de la entrada (Atom)
78 comentarios:
La verdad es ke tus tests dan resultado inclusive el de valeriana aunke he tenido una variedad interesante en los resultados de los mismos, he llegado a conocerme un poco mejor con el TEST PATENTADO DEL MIGUEL DEL TEMPERAMENTO CÓSMICO UNIVERSAL, aunke no tan esclarecedor como el El Maravilloso Test Patentado del Míguel de las Situaciones Improbables; con toda honestidad descubrí que soy capaz de ser muy impredecible en situaciones improbables, además de haberme cagado de risa hasta kedarme un pokito afónica (se puede decir cagar en su blog?) solo espero que ahora que he dejado mi comentario-elogio bajo ninguna circunstancia me llame el Sr. Cacho Castaña maldiciéndome, sin otro particular lo saludo cordialmente.
Gaby
Querida Gaby:
Realmente me alegra y me deja muy tranquilo que el test te haya dado un resultado positivo (no como a esa otra loquita que escribió diciendo que le martilló los huevos al marido porque en el test le salió que él era gay).
En cuanto a la utilización de malas palabras, todo está permitido, excepto la palabra “culorroto” por respeto a mi amigo personal “el negro Portmann”, quien tuvo un desafortunado incidente en uno de los piquetes del agro, quedando en medio de un choque entre agropecuarios y camioneros.
Ahora bien, para el temita de la afonía, te doy una receta: medio litro de tequila, ron, scotch, otra medida de ron, vodka caro, vodka barato, apio, un chorrito de ayudín y dos huevos crudos. Mezclá todo en la licuadora y tómatelo de un trago. A la garganta no le hace nada, pero te va a desmayar, y como desmayada no hablás, el tiempo curará tu afonía.
Y con respecto a lo de Cacho, no creo que te llame para maldecirte. Lamentablemente, un caso agudo de herpes genital lo tiene contra las cuerdas.
Un beso grande.
PD: ya que entramos en confianza, te aviso que estoy juntando fondos para mi campaña “Liberen al Tíbet o lo libero yo”. Si podés colaborar con 50 pesitos, muchos niños monjes shaolines te lo agradecerán. Eso sí, necesitaría la plata antes del sábado, porque este asunto se me va a ir de las manos. Gracias.
che Miguel ya que entramos en confianza, la verdad es ke como me ando mudando nuevamente para mis pagos entrerrianos y mi billetera a sufrido la peor diarrea de su vida ya se me borró la imagen de los 50 pesos, ni hablar de los 100 y porque me resisto a olvidarlos todavía recuerdo los de 2, pero como las causas nobles siempre llaman mi atención y estoy siempre dispuesta ayudar, asi que si no liberan al tibet lo liberas vos y yo te ayudo, soy buena convenciendo a la gente (hasta hace poco vendía tarjetas de crédito, asi ke de convencimiento tengo 10 sobresaliente) asi que armate un speach y yo con mi simpatía, mi carisma, mi fantástica oratoria y esa tenacidad para no dejar de joder hasta conseguir lo que quiero que me proporciona mi pertenencia al género femenino, creo que los monjes shaolines seran liberados!! asi ke dale rienda suelta a toda su capacidad de redacción y yo salgo a dar el discursito colectando todos los pesitos, sin discriminación de valor, y... hoy es miércoles, vos necesitabas para el sábado? no prometo cifras pero vas a ver ke no solo los monjes shaolines van a ser liberados, vamos a liberarnos todos!!!
PD: Miguel, eso si hay que calcular bien cuanto cuesta liberar a los monjes, sacar algún rédito por liberarlos como vacaciones pagas de por vida en el Tibet, todos los días que se puedan y no sólo 10 y sólo porke te matrimonias, además si sobra (tiene ke sobrar!) de la colecta con eso hacemos una gran fiesta gran (pedile permiso a tu sra mujer) los mamamos a todos les hacemos firmar un contrato que van a donar siempre para cualquier causa que emprendas y así podras financiar desde la liberación del Tibet con todos sus monjes incluidos hasta la apertura de más bares de marineros finlandeses para ke tu sra madre y tu sra esposa puedan visitar totalmente ebrias en navidad con el trineo robado a Papá Noel. Espero podamos llevar adelante en plena colaboración mutua causas como estas, saludos!
Gaby
Mi muy valorada Gaby:
Leí tu comunicado bien tempranito a la mañana y entendí un 14%, porque estaba medio dormido. Sin embargo, me bastó para saber lo conveniente de hacer sociedad comercial con una entrerriana avezada en las técnicas de mercadeo, que hace a un lado todo tipo de escrúpulo comercial, que con tal de colaborar por los que menos tienen (en este caso, la gente del Tíbet y nosotros). Tal como yo lo veo, el fin justifica los medios y el Tíbet necesita ayuda ya. Los monjes no pueden esperar. Así es entonces, que la emoción embarga mi corazón, porque siento que no soy el único que es capaz de exprimirle hasta el último centavo a los demás con tal de ayudar al prójimo extranjero y cobrarme una pequeña comisión por ello, tan sólo para gastos personales. ¡O acaso todos piensan que el Zorro, Superman y el Hombre Araña viven del aire! ¡Sólo Batman, que es multimillonario, puede hacer el bien y bancarse solito!
Además, confieso que me convenció tu idea de “Gran Fiesta Gran” y de implementar el viejo ardid de “Tomarás, firmarás y tu deuda pagarás”.
Creo firmemente que esta sociedad lucrativa puede dar buenos frutos.
Buena suerte en la mudanza.
Howdy
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